ohhh boy.

Going over past interests and previous borderline obsessive crushes I became overwhelmed at the realization that even if it's a guy I wouldn't actually want to date....you know, a guy that in all reality does nothing for me... I still can't stop thinking about them. I don't really like you; rather I like the idea of you liking me back because I know you're just not going to. It's almost a joke sometimes when I realize that if these guys I've had crushes on weren't master manipulators...'super sketch's' as I like to call them. I would never be interested in them. There's nothing remarkable about them...little in common, no real physical connection but there's just that element of manipulation...they're good at getting you to think you like them. But I don't...regardless of what my mind thinks, my heart really just doesn't care. It's amazing how they seem to have this ability to wrap us around their finger. But honestly, I tend to do the exact same thing to boys.

Here's the typical super sketch tactics...
1.) Never act too excited. You can't let them know you actually care they're talking to you.
2.) After acting distant for a while, do something horribly flirty like smile a little or send them a text that says you thought about them...even though you haven't talked to them in 3 weeks.
3.) Then go back to being aloof again... this is key. If you demonstrate actual human emotion too much they'll catch on and your allure will vanish.
4.) Be dramatic. Confuse them. Make them want to make you happy. You can accomplish this by giving frustrated looks when the other party didn't really do anything wrong. Say they didn't pay attention to you for a few minutes. shoot them the "look" but don't say anything, and if they act confused or call you out, simply walk away and leave them hanging. Repeat until target is successfully concerned with pleasing your ever-changing mood.
5.) Add a little here and there for style points and you have the basic recipe for confused affection.

Now its easy to sit here and say you'll identify those sketch's and then run from the room, dignity in tow. But who really sees this right away? If these tactics were easily detectable...the super sketch wouldn't exist. And what's worse, most of the time we do see it. We know better, we even giggle to ourselves because we feel we "totally know what their doing" and yet, we still find ourselves upset that they didn't call us. Why not just go for the good guys? The ones who WOULD call us and would take us to parks to watch the snow fall and write us poems about how much we mean to them? Well, because they are a sure thing. Now a sure thing is great in say the lottery, or betting on an NHL game. But, it's not always so great in relationships. At least not for the commitmently-challenged.

A sure thing is scary, a sure thing is going to happen. They are going to be there for you and love you and tell you nice things and be quite literally perfect. And you're not going to want anything to do with it. Because for the commitmently-challenged population, perfection and caring are terrifying. They don't know how to process it and thus, sabotage and avoid it at all costs. (that's why you don't see many commitmently-able girls/guys chasing frantically after super sketch's. And if they do, they usually land them... annoying isn't it?).

There's no risk of commitment with the super sketch...sorry girls, they'll never change, no matter how nice you are and now matter how much you put up with and "help." Do yourself a favor and listen to that feeling you get, the one that tells you its not going to happen.. and ignore the overbearing one that tells you "maybe I'll be the one...every other girl just wasn't what he wanted/needed. "_____"(fill in with the name of said 'super sketch) really does respect me, cares about me, he's definitely not in it for the physical. I'm tired of seeing genuine girls get taken by these boys. I'm tired of sad faces and desperation in the voices of girls I care about. I'm tired of boys with no feelings, and even worse, the ones who know it's wrong but do it anyway to fulfill some inner complex that says more girls will somehow make up for whatever they lack in the "self esteem" category.

And now girls are not exempt from this rant, oh no..girls I see you doing this too. Stringing a poor heartsick boy along. Giving him a little bit of hope here and there. using him for all he's worth, and then dropping him for the next cute drummer or slightly seemingly "cooler" guy that convinces you he cares and the pattern continues. But, because of these shallow girls, it tends to bruise the ego of the genuine guy therefore creating a bitterness so complex that we now have yet another guy who is too afraid to open himself up to be left vulnerable for another girl to rip his poor little heart out.

With a trail of confused, desperate, seemingly more emotionally insane zombies left in the wake. The aftermath is tragic. Now what do we do? How do we wear anti-sketch shields around our minds (because lets face it..it's not really our hearts that want them?) Well, until we start figuring out what we want, deserve, and how to be okay with getting both...we better get our running shoes on...because girls, we've got a serious future of sketch chasing ahead.

black & white.

Ever found yourself at the tail end of a paradigm shift? I found myself there recently, shaking my head a bit...confused and unaware. Usually I quite enjoy having my opinion quickly jolted and completely turned around. A new perspective is always fun...

But it's not so easy having a new idea thrown in the mix that changes what you had always thought to be true, and turns black...to white. Especially when the black turned white has long since left your life with no signs of coming back. With new information comes new insight...an enlightening understanding into something that we perhaps should have seen all along, but for whatever reason...never did.

Websters says that Hindsight is..."Perception of the significance and nature of events after they have occurred". Hindsight has always been 20/20, they say. Hindsight my ass. It's just a term people lean on to make themselves feel better. It's simply what we've always known to be true, with a few new added facts thrown in. The only difference now is that we actually have to face it.

For every "I see it now" situation, we all knew. Lie to yourself if you will, but there was always a hint, an ickling, a feeling, a sense, we either ignored or chose to see wrong, a friend we ignored, a little voice in our heads we silenced. Then we get the big "WHOA!" moment where it's all very much opposite of what we have been living and suddenly we're so against at our own reality and how cruel fate has been to us.

Please.

We're never that blind.

I suppose to be fair, there are those times where it's all so well camouflaged that we really don't see it...and if that is by our own fault or the fault of someone else, or maybe by the fault of no one at all...the shock is overwhelming.

Though all of my "I never saw it comings..." I can think back now in hindsight and see that I could have..had I really, really looked.